Tuesday, 29 September 2015

Xi Jinping Makes Pledge on Cyber Espionage

                         We promise not to get caught

Thursday, 24 September 2015

Audi Change Slogan in Wake of Diesel Testing Scandal

                                Vorslong as we dared we Cheated

Wednesday, 23 September 2015

Xi Jinping Heralds New Dawn of Give and Take in Sino-US Relations

                    You give the investment and we’ll take the profits 

Tuesday, 22 September 2015

Five Reasons Why Donald Trump Will Be the Next POTUS

1) He's rich and successful. Yanks like that in their president.

2) Flyover country (i.e. everywhere apart from New York, California, bits of the West Coast and bits of New England) are fed up with being patronised by liberal types and will vote for him.

3) Many Democrats will vote for him because they can't stand Hillary Rodham.

4) People will feel so happy that none of the other Republican dickheads are standing.

5) Every time he disses the Mexicans, they do something dumb like help spring a drug kingpin from jail as if to prove his point.

To summarise, giving the choice between an embarrassing bouffant combover and Hillary Rodham, the mullet wins every time.

Remember, you read it here first, the first website to declare for CY Leung.

Monday, 21 September 2015

Thursday, 17 September 2015

Carly Fiorina Gets Trumped

If I knew which face I was abusing, I'd be a helluva lot better at it

Wednesday, 16 September 2015

Facebook to Introduce Dislike Button

                     Can I Like your money and Dislike your hair?

Saturday, 12 September 2015

Grace Triumphs in New York as Vinci Beats Williams

Tennis was the winner as the pint-sized journeywoman from Palermo, Roberta Vinci, knocked Serena Williams out of the US Open to progress to an all-Italian final later today against Flavia Pennetta.

With local bookmakers offering odds of 300-1 in a two-horse race, the crowd were treated to a remarkable display of tennis talent and temperament, as well as to one of the finest courtside interviews in recent memory. (Cynics will say that this was because Jim Courier was not on hand to conduct proceedings, and cynics would have a lot going for them in their assessment, it must be said.)

No arguing with umpires, no death threats to lineswomen, the final game (holding to love) will live long in the memory, as Vinci played two masterful drop volleys - one on either wing.

The final should be a cracker, with sport - and sportsmanship - assuredly the winner, even if you can find no bookie in Queens willing to take a bet on it.

Thursday, 10 September 2015

Wednesday, 9 September 2015

Tyre Manufacturer Launches Asian Marketing Programme

                              ...rolling out Michelin Man 

Monday, 7 September 2015

Trump Delivers Message to Democratic Counterpart

                          I know you're behind me, Hillary

Friday, 4 September 2015

Chinese President Issues Warning to Military

                       Watch out for the guy with the plastic bag

Centrepiece of Beijing Fly-past Grounded after Last-minute Hitch

The manufacturer assured us that the windows and wheels would be ready on time

Tuesday, 1 September 2015

Cambridge Law Graduate Crowned Miss Kong

I dream of a world living in peace through the adoption of alternative dispute resolution alongside traditional hourly-billed litigation

Friday, 28 August 2015

ISIS Explains Why Palmyra Had to Be Razed

All traces of barbaric peoples must be destroyed…save one

Friday, 21 August 2015

Saturday, 15 August 2015

Bic in New Scandal as it Offers Different Apologies to Men and Women

We offer a firm handshake to the fellows and a hug to the girls while copping a peek of their cleavage

Friday, 14 August 2015

Kevin Lau Makes Further Demands of Police, Interpol and the Mossad

They must not rest until they have hunted down The Tooth Fairy, Father Christmas, The Loch Ness Monster, Lord Lucan, Shergar and The Mastermind Behind The Assault on Hong Kong's Press Freedom

Thursday, 13 August 2015

Will Hong Kong's Hacks Exercise Censorship over Kevin Lau Attack?

Just wondering, as the Internet is abuzz with rumours that the darling of the local branch of the fourth estate was attacked for reasons having absolutely nothing to do with press freedom.

Maybe it's time for Asia's self-styled bastion of investigative journalism to stop repeating stupid slogans like "You can't kill us all" (as if a) anyone would feel the need to kill these careerists and b) anyone has died in the first place) and do an in-depth piece on the reason for the attack on Kevin Lau Chun To (劉進圖).

Who knows? Maybe even the BBC will replace its daft, onanistic reporting with something from Planet Earth.